Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
