So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
