i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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