wanna go halves on a baby?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
