my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
