I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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