You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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