there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
