it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
