I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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