I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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