I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
