perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
