just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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