im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
