You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
