i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
