PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
