my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
