I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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