I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
