on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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