I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
