Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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