is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
