There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
