don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
