my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
