my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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