Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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