Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
