i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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