I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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