I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
