Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
