I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
