btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
