I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
