my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
