you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
did you just send me my own nude
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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