you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
