I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just invented taco cereal.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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