I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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