I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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