I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
