If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
