dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We have started to decorate penises.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
