who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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