i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
