Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there's paper in my vomit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
