i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
