I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
