how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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