You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
